When do you feel closest to Jesus? Is it reading his word? Or when you are writing in your journal; or when we are praying in the shower (c’mon we all have done it)? I feel closest to Jesus; and experience the greatest intimacy with him in my walks. It is the only time when I feel like I can clear my head from the clutter and confusion of the day and focus on him. He speaks to me. He comforts me; and he feels very close. The other day as I walked around Udall park; this is what I heard and experienced with my God…There is is a crispness in the air that comes after dark somewhere around the middle of October. For the desert dweller, it fills the soul with the longing for autumn that you have had after enduring the past four months. The park is bustling with people of all ages. Young children scurry around honing their skills in their various sports of interest. Coaches bark orders at them. Parents sit on the sidelines chattering amongst themselves or staring blankly off into space, probably wishing they were somewhere else. Other adults walk, jog or push strollers on the track around the park. “God I am here; would you join me on my walk?” His presence which before was hard to detect comes washing over me like the breath of crisp autumn air that just filled my lungs. This peace is does not only fill the places that a desert dweller is longing for; but all of the places that I was not even aware of that needed filling, the unseen places. He holds me tight, brushes my hair aside, looks into me and sets my heart at ease. I am smiling from the inside out now. “God I am hurting.” Emotions from the day come spilling out to him; all of the places where Raymond has let me down, my frustrations with the children, anxiety surrounding trying “to get it all done”. “Lord, I confess that I am not a perfect wife, my lack of patience gets the best of me, and I need to learn grace in my schedule.” At this point, I want to break down and give up. My soul cries out, “Lord I need you.” I feel a sense of being pulled closer. “Carena, my beautiful daughter you are simply amazing. I delight in every part of you. The way you gave yourself freely today brings me great joy. The things you think go unnoticed are the things that I am aware of. Take heart child. Love your husband as he is; not the way you want him to be. See your children as I see them. Do you see that woman? She is beautiful to me. And the elderly couple walking their dogs; they are precious to me. All these people you see are my beloved children; each and everyone is precious to me. The way you smell them as they walk by is like the unique fragrance they give off to me. It is pleasing to me.” This insight throws me for a tail spin and I begin smiling at everyone; not just a cordial “we are walking on the same path smile”, but a goofy, full-faced smile that comes from my gut. For a moment I finally get how to view this world as Jesus does. My soul is glowing. I feel like I am going to burst. I continue on my walk; all aglow next to my maker, my husband, my best friend. I would love to hear about your intimate times with Jesus. I love how they are all very personal, unique to us as individuals. Just as God is personal in his discipline he has a personal way of connecting to our hearts as well. Our meeting is next Saturday the 25th at Ft Lowell park; we do not have the pavilion we will just find a side table, at 11 am. Yay, cooler weather park dates! Oh, and remember to invite people!
I love you guys,
Carena
