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A Scared Discontent

The scared discontent. I live in the wealthiest country in the world. I have 2 cars, TVs, books, computers, couches, tables, lots of water, lots of food, and a bunch of other stuff. And yet, I’m plagued by discontent and the desire for more. I want to be happy. I want my friends to always say nice things to me and tell me how cool all my ideas are. I want the church I pastor to have the most Godly people – people who never struggle, never have conflict, and always think I’m the best preacher in the world. I want my children to always obey and never ever be a disappointment or reflect badly on me. I want everything to come easy. I don’t want to pull the weeds in my garden or fix my leaky roof. Come to think of it. I don’t want a leaky roof. Really, I want the nagging feeling that something is wrong with me to go away. It sometimes starts to consume me, and then I’m just empty. Everyone has failed me. I’ve failed me. The anxiety is starting to build.

I am a pastor. I believe in the Gospel. I believe in Jesus – life, death, and resurrection. Once I was foolish, disobedient, confused, and ruled by my proud self. I hated! I lied! BUT – God, in his love, sent Jesus to save me, not because I figured out how not to be obsessed with me, but because of mercy. Through his death on the cross he washed me and brought me to life by the Holy Spirit. I am wealthy in Christ because he generously gave me his Spirit through King Jesus our Savior.

This is good. This is right. I will be careful to devote myself to good. For this is what is profitable.

Jesus help me make it through the night . . . For I am yours.

1 Comment

  1. So glad you are human and admit to it. That quality is helping those of us become more godly (even if we aren’t there yet). It makes us not give up either. And, really, Eric, I must think you’re the best pastor in the world – I did long to come back here for over 10 years. I think your ideas are awesome.. Your kids seem pretty good to me, too. Sorry, can’t fix your roof or weed your lawn due to health problems, As for you having more things – I’m currently eating a popsicle – want one?

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