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2019 reflections

As I reflect on this year, God seems like he’s after two themes in my life. First is demands: my demands, my kids demands, my husband’s demands, the demands of other people I know. Things I believe I am entitled to: my opinions, my longings, being heard, being understood, other people doing the right thing, people around me doing the considerate thing. But as I demand, consciously and unconsciously, life is increasingly more and more difficult. Frustrating. Hard! I read something the other day that said “marriage is only as hard as you are selfish” wow. I often say marriage is hard. I am selfish. And demanding. As I see this negative pattern, I decide (again) that I’m going to try harder to be more selfless, more easy going. But it’s never enough and I feel like a dog chasing my own tail.
Actually, I think the answer is the other theme God keeps bringing up to me and that is love. Not the common everyday word that gets tossed around in virtually any situation. But that hard sacrificial thing Jesus did. Love; and give up your time. Love; and give up your money. Love; and don’t give your opinion. Love; and listen to someone else’s story. Love; instead of demand. This is also hard but instead of the dog chasing its own tail hard, it’s more like trying to climb a mountain hard. Difficult by not futile.
So my quest is before me. When I feel demand rise in the back of my throat instead of trying to quell it I want my first thought to be. How can I love in this situation? When I am wronged and I feel demand for rightness, I want to ask myself what would it look like to have grace for that person? When my observant and critical eye catches sight of someone else’s mistake or oversight or wrong, and I feel a comment burning on my tongue, I want my first thought to be a prayer for them instead.

I want to be transformed by love. I want love in and around; on my face, in my eyes, through my hands, amidst my words. Love in the morning, love at night. Love as my guard and love as my guide.

Recently I read the story of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years and a single touch from Jesus she was healed. In reading that scripture, I knew I was that woman. Hemorrhaging from my mouth for 12 years, saying anything that came to mind that I believed to be true regardless of whether it was done so in love. So just like that woman I am desperately seeking to be healed. Just one touch from my Savior and then the love can flow.

Passionate about authenticity and truth telling. Wife to Reuben. Been coming to the village for about 7 years. Mom to Raeya 6 and Xander 3. I enjoy coffee dates and connecting people to relevant information. I have a passion for learning and sharing about parenting, fertility, pregnancy, and home birth, alternative health and wellness, homeschooling, & food. I have worked in sales for most of my life, primarily selling Cutco knives. My husband is a commercial fisherman in Alaska and this coming spring we are embarking on the journey of living in two places throughout the year. Also we are expecting out third child in Jan. 2015.

3 Comments

  1. What a beautiful post. Danielle thank you for all that you offer. I will be praying this for you in 2020 for healing and love to flow freely from you. It makes me think that when you take up the yoke of the love of Jesus that your burden is light.

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  2. Thanks for sharing so vulnerably and truthfully. I want this for myself too.
    “I want to be transformed by love. I want love in and around; on my face, in my eyes, through my hands, amidst my words. Love in the morning, love at night. Love as my guard and love as my guide.”

    It reminds me of the song we sing:
    “Christ with me,
    Christ before me,
    Christ behind me,
    Christ in me,
    Christ beneath me,
    Christ above me,
    Christ on my right,
    Christ on my left,
    Christ when I lie down,
    Christ when I sit down,
    Christ when I arise,
    Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
    Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
    Christ in every eye that sees me,
    Christ in every ear that hears me.”

    Reply
  3. Thank you Danielle for promoting this posture. I love the clarity that you bring to emotions and reactions. This posture reminds me of Eric’s sermon about marriage where he talks about using one’s words to constantly build up one’s partner. https://open.spotify.com/episode/1izBQYqShiJMj3t5Odg9qR?si=sheNxvo5RPuHykoxrrqhNw

    Reply

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