I realized a couple of things today.
First I remembered that Corrie and I have been living in our own place for 4 years now. It has been a remarkable grace filled journey full of highs and lows, happiness and sadness. But we have been able to stay in the same place for the full time. I would not dare claim that we have been able to do this without help. My parents and her parents and all of you amazing Villagers have helped two disabled adults who love each other achieve a crazy dream. Sometimes we need help paying the rent, sometimes we need help getting the place picked up. Most of the time what we need is prayer and a listening ear and a kind word and through all of that amazing community we just keep going. We’ve both lost jobs, we have both struggled with mental illness and yet, with lots of help and support, we just keep going.
That’s what led me to the other thought, the one that reflects the title of this post, the one about God’s crazy dreams.
Last Thursday I was in the hot seat at PG and realized that maybe the things I think I want the most, the things that when I don’t get them they actually make me angry at God, aren’t the way that God has designed me to dream. I keep listening to the seductive whisper of the world, keep thinking that working hard enough and pushing myself more and more will finally achieve the total independence that I crave. But what if independence wasn’t the dream that God dreamed for me? Not to say that he wishes me to be totally dependent either, what if there is a middle way. What if what he desires is interdependence. A sharing of the load. What if we all just end up washing each others feet?
What if my part of this equation is just to do my best, to love Corrie, to love on the kids, our kids, at The Village, to go to coffee with you when you need a friend. To try to do better in my fight against anxiety and depression, and what if that means that sometimes I will always need to rely on our support group from time to time when the skies get dark? I don’t know if I have all of the particulars right but this seems like a God shaped dream to me. , If I can keep my ride from getting in the way it feels like home to me too.
Maybe some of you can help connect the dots, I don’t know.