Villagersonline : blogs : clrclady : Response to Sermon tonight

From: clrclady
Date: Sun Aug 29 23:29:17 EDT 2010
Subject: Response to Sermon tonight

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clrclady: Response Poem (8/30/10)

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clrclady: Response Poem (8/30/10)

I do not think the grass is greener on the other side; I have seen it, experienced it and now it is not; sometimes Satan lies to me and makes me believe that it is though. But my real problem is that, I am spoiled rotten, selfish and I want Heaven right now. I say that I want a relationship and I want to be married and I want to have children, but what I really want is Jesus with me in person right now like he walked on earth with the disciples. I want Jesus in the flesh. I have had the miraculous. He has healed me. I have heard His voice; I have heard the voices of angels. I believe I have been lifted up into His presence. And now He is asking me to experience Him in a much more “normal” mundane less spectacular sort away because I was worshiping the miracles instead of worship God and quite frankly I do not like it. Rod’s message tonight hit a cord with me and the asking for miracles hits a cord with me because I know from firsthand experience that they do not work to solve the problem of faith or trust. I still ask. I still ask for other people. I still see miracles in other people’s lives and in my own life. I am trying not to be a spoiled rotten, selfish demanding child though which is my sin and asking for more and more and more. I think the most important thing that has been said about this recently to me that has hit home. Is that it is not about me at all anyway? I am just a piece of withering grass that will be gone tomorrow and will not have much impact on anything in this world. It is really about God and His kingdom and His glory and the much Grander story that we are a small part of. I still long for Heaven and Jesus’ physical arms around me, but I get into a whole bunch of trouble when I start making demands out of that from others and this world to fill that longing. Or demand more miraculous things from God.

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From: clrclady
Date: Mon Aug 30 00:07:18 EDT 2010
Subject: Response Poem

They opened up my eyes to worlds beyond,
They opened up my ears to spiritual things
Unknown to so many far and near
They put me at the center of the experience,
The bride of Satan was the hearer of the words.
What damage and twisted things went on;
Disassociation to handle this crazy world,
You meet me there in the darkness,
Even though I hardly knew You.
When I came to know You,
My body was still awaked to that world
That it should not have known
Experiences of evil and darkness
So horrifying they could not be believed,
Matched with moments of glorious light
So beautiful and powerful they were unexplained.
Freedom finally came after years and years of torment,
But the beautiful experiences, visions, moments stayed;
Occasional voices of demons would come through;
A simple prayer by one or two, to not hear;
To not hear if it was not necessary.
Answered with a deafening silence
These ears had never experienced.
Over a year has passed and it is solid
The circuit has been broken,
The connection is gone.
You still talk to me,
But it is different, I never hear You.
You are still here with me,
But it is different, I never feel or see You.
Can I grieve such a broken thing?
A miracle I should not have had.
Those precious years of freedom
With only You occasionally were so great;
I still struggled even when You were so close.
You tell me You are still that close,
But now the need for trust is so much greater,
Sometimes I wish You would just take me home.

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