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Responses (sorted by date)
Karen: Thoughts (10/24/11)
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Last night, at around 6:30pm I decided to take a walk. Usually when I go walk I like to get my headphones and get some music going. Nothing gets me more motivated than music but this time I didn’t have any music. I just had me and the night sky and a tiny little breeze.
About halfway through the walk I had the distinct impression that my God was talking to me. I heard no voice, no flaming bush but I had reflections in my mind, echo’s, impressions, thoughts, and the more that I focused on them I found them to be questions.
What if you never lost another pound? What if you lived the rest of your life at your current weight? Would I still be your God? Would I be enough for you?
What if no one ever heard your music? What if the best you ever did was what you were doing right now? Would I still be enough for you?
What if you never made any more money than you are making right now? What if you had to settle for this life that you are living?
What if I took your life tomorrow? What if you would drop dead without accomplishing all that you have set out to do? What if that was the end of your story?
Would I still be your God? Your father? Would I be enough?
Many will read these questions and think that God is asking me to just remain thankful for all that I have now and I agree that is a major message there but I also see more. My God is asking me to become fully dependent upon him for my safety, for my well being, For my happiness, He desires that he and he alone be the object of my ambition and desire. It’s nothing more than what he has asked others before me. Abraham, Issac, King David, Israel, it’s, I believe, what he is asking of all of us.
I want to be the kind of Christian that can always answer yes to those questions and perhaps that is why it feels so often that God is breaking me right now. Figuratively I feel as if Abba has broken my legs, so that I have no where to run off to, nothing that I am capable of pursuing. I have been spiritually hobbled by God so that I can learn how to completely give up the feeling of control that I have on my life. I would ask that you guys pray for me, not for relief from this trial but that God would turn up the intensity of it. I want to be broken, I want to be a totally dependent child of him, I want to cling to his cross, I want to learn how to truly put him first before all things. So that the next time God asks me, even if all other things in my life fell away, if he would be enough that I could answer, without reservation, yes. | 
