Villagersonline : blogs : Mike

From: Mike_Wise
Date: Mon Jun 14 18:48:47 EDT 2010
Subject: 2 people

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Suki: Hi! (6/15/10)

Mike_Wise: No Subject (6/15/10)

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Mike_Wise: No Subject (6/15/10)
Suki: Hi! (6/15/10)

So I guess I could write a huge introduction as to who I am but I don't really feel like it I hate writing those things. I just wanna share thoughts.
In the last 2 monthd I've gone from agnostic, to spiritual seek to follower of Christ(I don't like the term Christian and I'll go into that in another blog) but now I find I am 2 people
I'm the old me and the new me
It's the same guy it's all me but the anger the frustration the need for attention the craving for hhuman connection the burning desire for validation in everything I am and everything I do. That's the old me the flesh the carnal me it's "Adam"
And then I keep getting glimpses of someone else Someone I really want to be! Someone who is able to put the needs of others before himself someone who is kind and generous and not awkward.
Someone who loves life and is full of life and has tons of it to share. I see these glimpses and I always have even as an agnostic but I wonder why I can't be that person all the time. I realize I can't be happy all the time but why do I have to be so broken down and so full of loathing for who I am and where I am at in life.
Why do I always try to push people away that only want to love me? Why do I hurt peoples feelings without meaning to?
I hate myself and I feel I have every reason to. But I don't wwant to I want to change I just don't how
I understand what Paul said when he talked about the struggle between what he wanted to do and the things he didn't want to do. He had faith though that God's grace would be sufficient for him
Me? I'm not so sure

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From: Suki
Date: Tue Jun 15 12:23:12 EDT 2010
Subject: Hi!

Hi, Mike!
I haven't met you yet, but welcome! I knew of you a little bit through your interactions with my husband before you came.
I appreciate the questions you're asking, and I really like how you put it, that you catch glimpses in yourself of a person you want to be. I can identify with both the hopeful glimpses and the disappointing reminders of my old self. It reminds me of the end of Ephesians 4 (everything does -- it's my favorite verse right now): "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to do infinitely more than we might ask or think." It's so cool that God is glorified by working powerfully through us, and that we get to both participate and watch in surprise.
Catch ya later! Susan

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From: Mike_Wise
Date: Tue Jun 15 12:31:19 EDT 2010
Subject:

Great thoughts Susan and also nice to meeet you as well. I guess if God changed us drastically and dramatically all at once it would prove to be too overwhelming for us. In the same way that I recently was on a medication to help with anxiety issues I had, I was on the drug for over a year and when it came time for me to stop I couldn't stop taking it all at once I had to taper it down. Even then I experienced symptoms of withdrawal. I couldn't even imagine what it would have been like if I just stopped taking it cold turkey. Perhaps it is that way with our new life(or in my case returned life) in Christ We have to taper down from our old existence and we should expect to experience withdrawal symptoms from that life of sin. But each day we feel a lil bit better and a little bit better. Each day brings us new hope and restored faith. I just had this idea today and you gave me the perfect opportunity to share it Susan. Your husband is a pretty awesome person. I'm glad that he, and all of you are accepting me into your group.

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