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I am sorry

I posted something different earlier and then took it down. If you saw what I said I am sorry

Even if you didn’t I am sorry

I am not a good person, and I am even worse at being a  friend

I felt alienated last night at Julie’s party, we were surrounded by groups of people, mostly parents, having conversations about kids and we felt left out. This hurt, it triggered my mental illness. It triggered depression and anxiety in me. So I ent to go and listen to the music and hoped to join in but when I asked if I could sing which I feel is my one good gift I was net with hesitation and I interpreted that wrongly as a reflection on how people see me.

I want to be a better person, a better friend, I want to be someone who doesn’t make every life interaction not about me but I have trouble with this and I am sorry about that.

Old longings were rearing their ugly heads in my heart, longings for being a dad and longings for friendship, to feel like I matter, to feel as if I am someone that people value, sin patterns which I keep trying to give to God but keep staying alive.

I am sorry for letting you down, not being a better me.

 

2 Comments

  1. Profile photo of Ron Wyman

    Dear Mike
    Everyone since the time of Adam & Eve are born into a world that is Evil. Not only are we born into evil, we are chained and incarcerated into evil. We live out our daily lives completely convinced that God is withholding from us something that is Desirable,Delicious, Delightful, and Denied by God.
    We all live in this same condition, and struggle with our own Desires that are placing God in subservient roles. In Jeremiah 2: 10-13, God’s people have changed god’s that are not god’s. They have lost there taste for God, and basically replaced god for anything and everything that is not God. This is something that is common in the world that we live in.
    God desires that we delight in God and He will give you the desire of your heart Psalm 37:4. When people struggle and strive “to delight in Him above all things.” this sets into motion the Majesty of God, the Triumph of Christ on the Cross and Resurrection and the Glory of your life and all other human life.
    Because we are confined to a world that is broken and in decay, it is easy to loose our taste for God. Because you have a past these years of turning back to God, your taste buds are still getting used, even when you are tempted and start to sin. Remember that God only has a desire for sinners . Adam & Eve ate the fruit of the tree, but there sin was not in the eating, rather in the defiance of It’s good, and satisfying, and desirable, and I want it. They lost their taste for God, before they ate the fruit. You my friend have a taste for God. I hope that this will help you, if not then remember I am an old man who like William Shatner in old age, contracted Made Cow’s Deseaze

    Ron

  2. Profile photo of Julie Brunson

    Mike, I don’t know what happened exactly. If there is a song that you would like to share with me for my birthday, I’d love to hear it still. Several people gave me IOU’s on songs. I’m a firm believer in stretching my birthday out as long as I can!

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