I posted something different earlier and then took it down. If you saw what I said I am sorry
Even if you didn’t I am sorry
I am not a good person, and I am even worse at being a friend
I felt alienated last night at Julie’s party, we were surrounded by groups of people, mostly parents, having conversations about kids and we felt left out. This hurt, it triggered my mental illness. It triggered depression and anxiety in me. So I ent to go and listen to the music and hoped to join in but when I asked if I could sing which I feel is my one good gift I was net with hesitation and I interpreted that wrongly as a reflection on how people see me.
I want to be a better person, a better friend, I want to be someone who doesn’t make every life interaction not about me but I have trouble with this and I am sorry about that.
Old longings were rearing their ugly heads in my heart, longings for being a dad and longings for friendship, to feel like I matter, to feel as if I am someone that people value, sin patterns which I keep trying to give to God but keep staying alive.
I am sorry for letting you down, not being a better me.