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Remember Me

Excerpt from my journal: a weak and wacky moment

Are we going to heaven? I’m pretty sure my wife is. Is she going to see a bright white light when it’s time to go? How long will she be in the portal before it dumps her onto a golden sidewalk or maybe an impossibly white cloud? Will she still have hair? Body fluids and functions? A body??? As a kid, I had a mental image of a horizon full of souls packed together like cattle, all appearing as individual white flames – other times they were vermilion – bouncing along toward…something. Sorta like a VeggieTales grape would bounce along. How does a bouncing white flame communicate? Or isher heaven her own thing, and mine – as a long shot – my own? Hers would be a world where she is surrounded by her peeps; mine, a hammock ‘neath a starry summer night. But it’s not exactly well-defined anywhere, so I don’t know. Nobody knows. Do I even want to go there once I’m done with this life? Yeah, I suppose so, if the options are heaven and hell. Is heaven really worth it though… What will I do there? Play computer games forever? Sing the Bach Magnificat over and over, without having to stop because my vocal cords no longer degenerate after an hour of performance? Why in heaven’s name would I want to do that for eternity? In what existence would that be fun, or invigorating, or fulfilling, or joyful? Or even pleasant for God to listen to?

Eternity… Wouldn’t He get tired of being aggrandized, worshiped, and knelt before after an eon or two? Knowing my luck, he’ll already be tired of it by the time I get there. We’re made in His image, right? What does HE do for fun? And does he let us have time to think – to remember all those shame-inducing, judgment-worthy shenanigans, hateful words and thoughts, misdeeds, stupid decisions, lost moral battles? Even if they’re “washed away by the blood of the Lamb,” or (in a more deeds-oriented framework) outweighed by the good I did, are they still going to be a part of my consciousness? Or do I lose my consciousness in heaven? Maybe that’s the definition of heaven: losing your Earthly Consciousness and becoming the Best Possible You. No more bad memories. I could work with that. Might be worth being bored for a really long time. 

– Keith B

1 Comment

  1. 😛 I love this

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